Discrimination between sexual minorities

Why is it, when you've got an oppressed class of people, some within that oppressed class feel free to oppress others within that same group? Some proponents in the "gay marriage" movement stridently declare that same-sex marriage should be allowed, because they're still upholding the standard of only two individuals being in relationship, unlike those swingers and polygamous types. Some within the non-monogamous community, who call themselves poly, disdain those who follow a swinging lifestyle, claiming a more righteous stance because they're more about love and relationships, while swingers are just in it for the sex. In sex work, the phone sex operator says, "Well, at least I don't take my clothes off or have actual sex with my clients;" the exotic dancer says, "Well, at least I don't have sex with anyone;" everyone else intimating that their particular chosen aspect is somehow better, more moral, whatever, than anyone else's.

Hello? Wake up! We're ALL being oppressed, and turning on each other just supports the mainstream idea that we don't belong. Similar to what happened to the Native Americans when the Europeans started taking over - if they could have banded strongly together, instead of fighting amongst themselves, there might have been a different outcome for them.

We need to honor EVERYONE's relationship and sexual choices, whatever they may be, provided they involve consenting adults! Why can't that be our ONLY criterion for judging the morality of loving or sexual interactions? In the Kink community, there's a saying, "Your kink is okay, but it's not my kink." BDSM'ers have largely become accepting of whatever fetishistic, kinky behavior others enjoy, but even here, there are those who are still frowned upon sometimes.

If you enjoy or can accept that anything beyond vanilla, monogamous, missionary-style sex and love is NOT immoral, wrong, sinful, disgusting, degrading, etc - then let's unite under a banner of Sexual Freedom for ALL!

Okay, stepping down now...anyone else? ;)

Lovingly,
Inara

"A Prostitute Compassionate Am I"

Wow, I'm so impressed with Radical Vixen's portrayal of a recent session she had with a client whose overwhelming need was compassion!

http://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/08/18/sex-work-and-compassion-panty-tree/

Here's the comment I left for her:

Ah, you've captured the element of your work that hearkens back to the prostitute priestesses of ancient Sumeria, Babylon, and Canaan. The Goddess Ishtar/Inanna once said, "A prostitute compassionate am I." This post beautifully describes how you embody the Goddess for your clients (regardless of your or their beliefs in such). Thank you so much for sharing this with us and I thoroughly look forward to reading more in this series. I invite you to review my sites regarding the sacred prostitute ("Qadishtu") and sacred sexuality. Thanks again!

Inara
http://qadishtublog.blogspot.com

It's not so simple to be Qadishtu

Ancient “Temple Prostitutes”, called “Qadishti” in some Mediterranean cultures, are believed to have engaged in sex with the populace as an act of Worship of the Goddess, whose greatest gifts to Her people was pleasure and the power of reproduction. Today, many women and some men are called to follow this ancient “tradition” who intuitively offer their bodies up for the use of the Divine, to pass on the Goddess’ blessing and healing through Her gifts of pleasure and sexuality.

This is a tricky calling, in many ways. We live in a society today that is sexually-repressed and incredibly sex-negative. Many forms of sexuality are not only socially unacceptable, they may even be illegal. Further, there is a deeper understanding today of how deeply one’s psyche can be affected by one’s experiences, with more intense experiences affecting one more deeply. Sex is an incredibly intense experience and can have deep and long-lasting effects.

Since most Qadishti are NOT trained in counseling, it is smart for many who feel drawn to this path to be extremely careful about how they engage with others. Due to the legal issues and the psychological issues, there are some fine lines to walk. In the days of the original Qadishti, the culture fully accepted and embraced the concept that sex was sacred and inseparable from their worship. The absence of sexual repression most likely meant that most people did not have crippling psychological issues around their own sexuality. That’s not the case today. We live in a completely different environment, with different mores and norms, and almost no one escapes unscathed by the sex negativity that permeates our society.

Those who choose to work as Qadishti must understand that the people that come to them for help may often need more help than that Qadishti can offer. Simply having sex with people is not always all that’s needed. Sometimes it’s the exact opposite of what’s needed, and even has the potential to make things worse. It IS important to seek some sort of training or mentorship, to learn the ropes, to figure out how to set boundaries, to detect deeper psychological issues, to protect oneself, to recognize when a physical issue needs to be treated, etc.

I would love for this path to be as simple as “Have compassion and have sex” – but it’s not. Compassion is a bedrock requirement, sex is not. And there’s so much more to be aware of, in order to avoid making things worse.

Lovingly,
Inara

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Francesca on the Positive-Sacred Sexuality Spectrum

I wanted to share some thoughts posted by my dear friend, Francesca Gentille, on the recent topic regarding the difference between "sex-positivity" and "sacred sexuality". For more of her wisdom, please see her site. You might even consider setting up an appointment with her for personal coaching! :)

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Hi dear hearts,

Wanting to connect with you and share some heart, spirit, and thoughts. . .

Sex - Sex Positive - Sacred Sex

When I talk about it, I discuss it as a spectrum or continuum.

I have found and experienced that in our culture we are given negative or conflicted information about our aging, emotions, bodies, spirit, gender, and sexuality. Most of us begin our sexual journey Sex Conflicted, or Sex Negative (including body negative, emotions negative, and aging negative).

Then we go on a journey to heal.

I think of the healing spectrum in sexuality as going from:
Sex Negative - Sex Curious - Sex Positive - Sensual/Pleasure Positive - Combining Heart & Sex - Combining Spirit & Sex

If I was on a healing and deepening journey with my sexual relationship with me it might look like: Fucking Myself/Masturbating/Getting Off - Self Pleasuring - Self Loving - Self Revering

If I was on a healing and deepening journey in my sexual relationship with you it might look like: Fucking you - Exploring Pleasure with You - Exploring Sexual Intimacy with you - Adoring and Worshiping you with my Heart, Body & Soul

NOTE: And it is possible to have Sacred Fucking :-) The fucking I start the spectrum with is the disconnected, disassociated, separated from spirit, and emotions fucking. One might say that with Sacred Fucking we "come" full circle and then start all over again. Or perhaps Spiral is the more accurate concept.

When we human beings are on this journey of healing ourselves around sexuality, we educate ourselves, try new things, find groups of people to be in community with who enjoy sex. We become sex positive. When we are sex positive there is often an attitude that more sex, or a variety of ways of being sexual, new toys, new sensations, is better. Often sex is still about doing or being done to. We are still body negative, emotions negative, aging negative and spirit conflicted.

Perhaps, at some point, we learn about sensuality and that being a better lover is enhanced by expanding our sensual capacity. Then we might become pleasure positive. Learning massage. Experimenting with lotions and potions for the body. Music. Feathers. Fur. And dance.

Perhaps, then we realize that we would like more heart, more intimacy, more of a sense of being seen, and known and loved when we have sex. We might take classes in intimacy, or communication, or sacred sexuality.

Perhaps, then we feel something stirring that would like to go further. To melt into oneness. Into bliss with all that is while having sex. To engage in sexuality that is a blessing and healing. Then we might take more classes, and study, and experiment with bringing spirit, deity, divinity, allness into sexuality. We may also take classes on energy work.

What is often in the way for those of us wishing to stay in sex which is more body focused and less heart or spirit focused is our wounds and received negative messaging around emotions, and spirit.

I feel compassion for this. Many of us have had our capacity to feel deep emotions and to feel safe with Spirit literally beaten out of us. "Stop crying or I'll really give you something to cry about."

Also some people are energy blind. Or at least underdeveloped in their capacities to read, receive, give, and manipulate energy.

For the more mechanistic or tender around emotions, or energy blind, I don't focus on the word sacred. I talk about Quantum Physics. That thought is now believed by scientists to be the smallest unit of matter. I talk about consciousness; the electro-magnetic field within each person, and in every living thing, and across the planet. I talk about opportunities in reclaiming emotions, deepening energetic awareness, and expanded sensuality that lead to experiences of bliss, intimacy, and extended times of erotic peace and fullness.

Sacred Sexuality is a word. It is a place-holder for experiences that are hard to put into words.

I like thinking of deity, spirit, soul, and a Loving Eternal Consciousness. I don't think I'm right. I don't think it's true. I think I like the feeling of being "spiritual." Heck, who knows what REALLY happens after we die. I get to design a way of looking at life, love, death, sex, in ways that feel beautiful to me. Each person does. You do.

If someone is in pain around their life, and their loving, and their sexing, then I want to inspire, guide, support, and educate them to design a new way, to heal from the past, and to reclaim their right to feel, to love, to sex, to age with grace, and to connect with Allness & Eternal Consciousness, and life in ways that feel nourishing, peaceful, harmonious and rich to them. I'll dance with the words and seek the ones that make sense and create an opening for them.

It's not the words that matter - ultimately. It's the intent - the presence - the openness - the peace - the being peace that matter. Our being matters.

It is not for me to judge, it is for me to be the model of a world in which sexuality brings harmony, connection, and peace to our world.

Lovingly,
Francesca

M. Francesca Gentille - Diva of Divine Relationships
http://www.LifeDanceCenter.com
Sacred Sexuality & Tantra Sexpert - Media Personality - Public Speaker - Author
Radio Host "Sex: Tantra & Kama Sutra" http://www.personallifemedia.com/podcasts/tantra-kama-sutra/tantra-kama-sutra-show.html
Co-Author & Associate Editor of the award winning anthology "The Marriage of Sex & Spirit" www.marriageofsexandspirit.com
To Join My Egroup: email SacredLiving-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Diversity within Unity

Diversity is a loaded word these days. Everything is pro-diversity, in order to honor and respect those from different cultural backgrounds, whether that be ethnic, religious, social, or whatnot. Diversity training is required in many companies, and students in counseling programs are receiving training in multicultural awareness. In the world of sacred sexuality and sex positivity, there's a wide range of diverse approaches, with each different school of thought clinging tenaciously to their own label and identity. But there is within diversity the potential for divisiveness, as well. And that's what we must guard against. Within all this sacred and positive rhetoric is often a cloaked sense of superiority, which can poison and sabotage our beliefs and our noble causes.

In addition to supporting diversity, I think it is equally as important to celebrate our unity. We all - all humans on the entire planet - are really more alike than we are different. But we cling to our differences, sometimes for positive reasons, and sometimes as ways to insulate and seemingly protect ourselves, our identity, our chosen way of life. But we are united in our survival needs. We are united in our relatively similar DNA structures and bodily processes. We all are born, live, love, die. In the world of sacred sexuality and sex positivity, we are mostly working toward similar ends - to liberate sex from the place of evil and negativity that it was shoved into by past generations. We seek to transform the hearts, minds and souls of the people around us - so that they can more fully accept and enjoy their sexuality, without having to put anyone else's sexual preferences and expressions down.

No matter what we call ourselves: Qadishtu, Dakini, Tantrika, Sex Therapist, Sex Blogger, Sex Activist, Sacred Intimate, etc - in addition to any other reason we pursue this path, this Calling, we are committed to a more positive/sacred view of sexuality. Let us not quibble about what we are called, or how we define ourselves. Celebrate our different approaches, while also clasping hands in a united front.

In love & unity,
Inara

Sex Positivity vs Sacred Sexuality

Check out this brief blog post from Amber Rhea:

http://www.beingamberrhea.com/2008/07/29/what-sex-positivity-is-not/

A lot of times, the way I view sacred sexuality is very similar to the more secular conception of "sex-positivity". However, there is an extra quality to *sacred* sexuality not necessarily present in sex-positivity. How would you redefine sex positivity to include a sense of the sacred, without being overtly rooted in a religious/spiritual context? How can we make the idea of sacred sexuality more palatable to the mainstream, without losing the sacred element that distinguishes it from "mere" sex-positivity (no offense intended)? Is this even necessary? Can we describe sacred sexuality to someone from the secular mainstream by using the term sex-positivity and have it be an accurate description?

Lovingly,
Inara

NCSF Media Alert on "Swingtown"

I've been watching the CBS series, "Swingtown", and have been very pleasantly surprised at how good it is. And I don't just mean the acting and the plotlines (though those are certainly good). This primetime show is actually portraying responsible non-monogamy in a positive light, and is respectfully exploring the consequences and choices faced by people who consciously choose to explore alternative relationship possibilities. They explore real issues and treat all views with equal respect and sensitivity.

Unfortunately, the conservatives of our country have decided that they are unable to just switch the channel and watch something they'd prefer; rather they are staging a thorough campaign to try and get this program removed from the airwaves. They are again attempting to be moralistic police, telling the rest of us what we can and can't watch, simply because it offends THEIR sensibilities.

Please take a moment to review the information that the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom has compiled about how we can show our support for the show, in an attempt to counter the censorship efforts of the far right:

http://is.gd/15NO

Share this with anyone you know who may also support keeping this show on the air, anyone who feels strongly against moralistic censorship, anyone who supports educating the mainstream about the validity of responsible non-monogamy and free choice in relationship options.

Lovingly,
Inara