Temple of the Red Lotus Vending Tent

Temple of the Red Lotus Vending Tent
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Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Francesca on the Positive-Sacred Sexuality Spectrum

I wanted to share some thoughts posted by my dear friend, Francesca Gentille, on the recent topic regarding the difference between "sex-positivity" and "sacred sexuality". For more of her wisdom, please see her site. You might even consider setting up an appointment with her for personal coaching! :)


Hi dear hearts,

Wanting to connect with you and share some heart, spirit, and thoughts. . .

Sex - Sex Positive - Sacred Sex

When I talk about it, I discuss it as a spectrum or continuum.

I have found and experienced that in our culture we are given negative or conflicted information about our aging, emotions, bodies, spirit, gender, and sexuality. Most of us begin our sexual journey Sex Conflicted, or Sex Negative (including body negative, emotions negative, and aging negative).

Then we go on a journey to heal.

I think of the healing spectrum in sexuality as going from:
Sex Negative - Sex Curious - Sex Positive - Sensual/Pleasure Positive - Combining Heart & Sex - Combining Spirit & Sex

If I was on a healing and deepening journey with my sexual relationship with me it might look like: Fucking Myself/Masturbating/Getting Off - Self Pleasuring - Self Loving - Self Revering

If I was on a healing and deepening journey in my sexual relationship with you it might look like: Fucking you - Exploring Pleasure with You - Exploring Sexual Intimacy with you - Adoring and Worshiping you with my Heart, Body & Soul

NOTE: And it is possible to have Sacred Fucking :-) The fucking I start the spectrum with is the disconnected, disassociated, separated from spirit, and emotions fucking. One might say that with Sacred Fucking we "come" full circle and then start all over again. Or perhaps Spiral is the more accurate concept.

When we human beings are on this journey of healing ourselves around sexuality, we educate ourselves, try new things, find groups of people to be in community with who enjoy sex. We become sex positive. When we are sex positive there is often an attitude that more sex, or a variety of ways of being sexual, new toys, new sensations, is better. Often sex is still about doing or being done to. We are still body negative, emotions negative, aging negative and spirit conflicted.

Perhaps, at some point, we learn about sensuality and that being a better lover is enhanced by expanding our sensual capacity. Then we might become pleasure positive. Learning massage. Experimenting with lotions and potions for the body. Music. Feathers. Fur. And dance.

Perhaps, then we realize that we would like more heart, more intimacy, more of a sense of being seen, and known and loved when we have sex. We might take classes in intimacy, or communication, or sacred sexuality.

Perhaps, then we feel something stirring that would like to go further. To melt into oneness. Into bliss with all that is while having sex. To engage in sexuality that is a blessing and healing. Then we might take more classes, and study, and experiment with bringing spirit, deity, divinity, allness into sexuality. We may also take classes on energy work.

What is often in the way for those of us wishing to stay in sex which is more body focused and less heart or spirit focused is our wounds and received negative messaging around emotions, and spirit.

I feel compassion for this. Many of us have had our capacity to feel deep emotions and to feel safe with Spirit literally beaten out of us. "Stop crying or I'll really give you something to cry about."

Also some people are energy blind. Or at least underdeveloped in their capacities to read, receive, give, and manipulate energy.

For the more mechanistic or tender around emotions, or energy blind, I don't focus on the word sacred. I talk about Quantum Physics. That thought is now believed by scientists to be the smallest unit of matter. I talk about consciousness; the electro-magnetic field within each person, and in every living thing, and across the planet. I talk about opportunities in reclaiming emotions, deepening energetic awareness, and expanded sensuality that lead to experiences of bliss, intimacy, and extended times of erotic peace and fullness.

Sacred Sexuality is a word. It is a place-holder for experiences that are hard to put into words.

I like thinking of deity, spirit, soul, and a Loving Eternal Consciousness. I don't think I'm right. I don't think it's true. I think I like the feeling of being "spiritual." Heck, who knows what REALLY happens after we die. I get to design a way of looking at life, love, death, sex, in ways that feel beautiful to me. Each person does. You do.

If someone is in pain around their life, and their loving, and their sexing, then I want to inspire, guide, support, and educate them to design a new way, to heal from the past, and to reclaim their right to feel, to love, to sex, to age with grace, and to connect with Allness & Eternal Consciousness, and life in ways that feel nourishing, peaceful, harmonious and rich to them. I'll dance with the words and seek the ones that make sense and create an opening for them.

It's not the words that matter - ultimately. It's the intent - the presence - the openness - the peace - the being peace that matter. Our being matters.

It is not for me to judge, it is for me to be the model of a world in which sexuality brings harmony, connection, and peace to our world.


M. Francesca Gentille - Diva of Divine Relationships
Sacred Sexuality & Tantra Sexpert - Media Personality - Public Speaker - Author
Radio Host "Sex: Tantra & Kama Sutra" http://www.personallifemedia.com/podcasts/tantra-kama-sutra/tantra-kama-sutra-show.html
Co-Author & Associate Editor of the award winning anthology "The Marriage of Sex & Spirit" www.marriageofsexandspirit.com
To Join My Egroup: email SacredLiving-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

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