Francesca on the Positive-Sacred Sexuality Spectrum

I wanted to share some thoughts posted by my dear friend, Francesca Gentille, on the recent topic regarding the difference between "sex-positivity" and "sacred sexuality". For more of her wisdom, please see her site. You might even consider setting up an appointment with her for personal coaching! :)

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Hi dear hearts,

Wanting to connect with you and share some heart, spirit, and thoughts. . .

Sex - Sex Positive - Sacred Sex

When I talk about it, I discuss it as a spectrum or continuum.

I have found and experienced that in our culture we are given negative or conflicted information about our aging, emotions, bodies, spirit, gender, and sexuality. Most of us begin our sexual journey Sex Conflicted, or Sex Negative (including body negative, emotions negative, and aging negative).

Then we go on a journey to heal.

I think of the healing spectrum in sexuality as going from:
Sex Negative - Sex Curious - Sex Positive - Sensual/Pleasure Positive - Combining Heart & Sex - Combining Spirit & Sex

If I was on a healing and deepening journey with my sexual relationship with me it might look like: Fucking Myself/Masturbating/Getting Off - Self Pleasuring - Self Loving - Self Revering

If I was on a healing and deepening journey in my sexual relationship with you it might look like: Fucking you - Exploring Pleasure with You - Exploring Sexual Intimacy with you - Adoring and Worshiping you with my Heart, Body & Soul

NOTE: And it is possible to have Sacred Fucking :-) The fucking I start the spectrum with is the disconnected, disassociated, separated from spirit, and emotions fucking. One might say that with Sacred Fucking we "come" full circle and then start all over again. Or perhaps Spiral is the more accurate concept.

When we human beings are on this journey of healing ourselves around sexuality, we educate ourselves, try new things, find groups of people to be in community with who enjoy sex. We become sex positive. When we are sex positive there is often an attitude that more sex, or a variety of ways of being sexual, new toys, new sensations, is better. Often sex is still about doing or being done to. We are still body negative, emotions negative, aging negative and spirit conflicted.

Perhaps, at some point, we learn about sensuality and that being a better lover is enhanced by expanding our sensual capacity. Then we might become pleasure positive. Learning massage. Experimenting with lotions and potions for the body. Music. Feathers. Fur. And dance.

Perhaps, then we realize that we would like more heart, more intimacy, more of a sense of being seen, and known and loved when we have sex. We might take classes in intimacy, or communication, or sacred sexuality.

Perhaps, then we feel something stirring that would like to go further. To melt into oneness. Into bliss with all that is while having sex. To engage in sexuality that is a blessing and healing. Then we might take more classes, and study, and experiment with bringing spirit, deity, divinity, allness into sexuality. We may also take classes on energy work.

What is often in the way for those of us wishing to stay in sex which is more body focused and less heart or spirit focused is our wounds and received negative messaging around emotions, and spirit.

I feel compassion for this. Many of us have had our capacity to feel deep emotions and to feel safe with Spirit literally beaten out of us. "Stop crying or I'll really give you something to cry about."

Also some people are energy blind. Or at least underdeveloped in their capacities to read, receive, give, and manipulate energy.

For the more mechanistic or tender around emotions, or energy blind, I don't focus on the word sacred. I talk about Quantum Physics. That thought is now believed by scientists to be the smallest unit of matter. I talk about consciousness; the electro-magnetic field within each person, and in every living thing, and across the planet. I talk about opportunities in reclaiming emotions, deepening energetic awareness, and expanded sensuality that lead to experiences of bliss, intimacy, and extended times of erotic peace and fullness.

Sacred Sexuality is a word. It is a place-holder for experiences that are hard to put into words.

I like thinking of deity, spirit, soul, and a Loving Eternal Consciousness. I don't think I'm right. I don't think it's true. I think I like the feeling of being "spiritual." Heck, who knows what REALLY happens after we die. I get to design a way of looking at life, love, death, sex, in ways that feel beautiful to me. Each person does. You do.

If someone is in pain around their life, and their loving, and their sexing, then I want to inspire, guide, support, and educate them to design a new way, to heal from the past, and to reclaim their right to feel, to love, to sex, to age with grace, and to connect with Allness & Eternal Consciousness, and life in ways that feel nourishing, peaceful, harmonious and rich to them. I'll dance with the words and seek the ones that make sense and create an opening for them.

It's not the words that matter - ultimately. It's the intent - the presence - the openness - the peace - the being peace that matter. Our being matters.

It is not for me to judge, it is for me to be the model of a world in which sexuality brings harmony, connection, and peace to our world.

Lovingly,
Francesca

M. Francesca Gentille - Diva of Divine Relationships
http://www.LifeDanceCenter.com
Sacred Sexuality & Tantra Sexpert - Media Personality - Public Speaker - Author
Radio Host "Sex: Tantra & Kama Sutra" http://www.personallifemedia.com/podcasts/tantra-kama-sutra/tantra-kama-sutra-show.html
Co-Author & Associate Editor of the award winning anthology "The Marriage of Sex & Spirit" www.marriageofsexandspirit.com
To Join My Egroup: email SacredLiving-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Diversity within Unity

Diversity is a loaded word these days. Everything is pro-diversity, in order to honor and respect those from different cultural backgrounds, whether that be ethnic, religious, social, or whatnot. Diversity training is required in many companies, and students in counseling programs are receiving training in multicultural awareness. In the world of sacred sexuality and sex positivity, there's a wide range of diverse approaches, with each different school of thought clinging tenaciously to their own label and identity. But there is within diversity the potential for divisiveness, as well. And that's what we must guard against. Within all this sacred and positive rhetoric is often a cloaked sense of superiority, which can poison and sabotage our beliefs and our noble causes.

In addition to supporting diversity, I think it is equally as important to celebrate our unity. We all - all humans on the entire planet - are really more alike than we are different. But we cling to our differences, sometimes for positive reasons, and sometimes as ways to insulate and seemingly protect ourselves, our identity, our chosen way of life. But we are united in our survival needs. We are united in our relatively similar DNA structures and bodily processes. We all are born, live, love, die. In the world of sacred sexuality and sex positivity, we are mostly working toward similar ends - to liberate sex from the place of evil and negativity that it was shoved into by past generations. We seek to transform the hearts, minds and souls of the people around us - so that they can more fully accept and enjoy their sexuality, without having to put anyone else's sexual preferences and expressions down.

No matter what we call ourselves: Qadishtu, Dakini, Tantrika, Sex Therapist, Sex Blogger, Sex Activist, Sacred Intimate, etc - in addition to any other reason we pursue this path, this Calling, we are committed to a more positive/sacred view of sexuality. Let us not quibble about what we are called, or how we define ourselves. Celebrate our different approaches, while also clasping hands in a united front.

In love & unity,
Inara

Sex Positivity vs Sacred Sexuality

Check out this brief blog post from Amber Rhea:

http://www.beingamberrhea.com/2008/07/29/what-sex-positivity-is-not/

A lot of times, the way I view sacred sexuality is very similar to the more secular conception of "sex-positivity". However, there is an extra quality to *sacred* sexuality not necessarily present in sex-positivity. How would you redefine sex positivity to include a sense of the sacred, without being overtly rooted in a religious/spiritual context? How can we make the idea of sacred sexuality more palatable to the mainstream, without losing the sacred element that distinguishes it from "mere" sex-positivity (no offense intended)? Is this even necessary? Can we describe sacred sexuality to someone from the secular mainstream by using the term sex-positivity and have it be an accurate description?

Lovingly,
Inara

NCSF Media Alert on "Swingtown"

I've been watching the CBS series, "Swingtown", and have been very pleasantly surprised at how good it is. And I don't just mean the acting and the plotlines (though those are certainly good). This primetime show is actually portraying responsible non-monogamy in a positive light, and is respectfully exploring the consequences and choices faced by people who consciously choose to explore alternative relationship possibilities. They explore real issues and treat all views with equal respect and sensitivity.

Unfortunately, the conservatives of our country have decided that they are unable to just switch the channel and watch something they'd prefer; rather they are staging a thorough campaign to try and get this program removed from the airwaves. They are again attempting to be moralistic police, telling the rest of us what we can and can't watch, simply because it offends THEIR sensibilities.

Please take a moment to review the information that the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom has compiled about how we can show our support for the show, in an attempt to counter the censorship efforts of the far right:

http://is.gd/15NO

Share this with anyone you know who may also support keeping this show on the air, anyone who feels strongly against moralistic censorship, anyone who supports educating the mainstream about the validity of responsible non-monogamy and free choice in relationship options.

Lovingly,
Inara

Want to Learn about Sacred Sexuality?

Want to Learn about Sacred Sexuality?

Join me for an inner adventure to learn about Sacred Sexuality through the Woolston-Steen Theological Seminary's online college experience!

Starting August 11, 2008
8:30 - 9:30 pm (from the comfort of your own home!)
Cost $80 for credit / $40 to audit (they offer college degrees!)

In just 8 short weeks, you will learn about the principles of sacred sexuality, you'll be invited to view your body as a temple, you'll learn breathing techniques for emotional regulation and for enhancing your sex-life, you'll be introduced to the concept of emotional intelligence, and you'll learn some communication styles and techniques to help improve all of your relationships.

This class will also lead you through a multi-week preparation for a ritual in which you will balance the masculine and feminine energies within you. Past participants have described this ritual as "moving" and "transformational". Are you ready to embrace your Self?

For a deep, introspective, life-affirming exploration into your Self and the role of Sacred Sexuality in your life, enroll today!

http://www.wiccanseminary.us/course/category.php?id=14

Inara de Luna, Qadishtu priestess and founder of the Temple of the Red Lotus, will be teaching Sacred Sexuality 101 and 102. She has been teaching classes and offering workshops on the topic for several years, but usually only at festivals or the occasional seminar. Now EVERYONE has access to her teachings, through this affordable online class! To learn more about Inara and her Temple, please visit her website:

http://www.TempleRedLotus.com

I look forward to seeing you in the online classroom or at a future event!

Lovingly,
Inara

Follow me on Twitter!
http://twitter.com/inaradeluna

Personal Love vs Universal Love

“Love is a many-splendored thing,” someone once said. In polyamory communities, there’s an oft-heard adage known as, “Love is infinite; time and energy are not.” Polyamorous people believe that they have the capacity to love and be in relationship with more than one person at one time. Not everyone is necessarily built this way, but no one can dispute that we all have multiple loves, of different varieties. We love our spouse. We love our parents, we love our kids, and we often love our friends. We are all maintaining multiple relationships at the same time, but with varying degrees of intimacy and different levels of time and energy commitments. The sexualoving component does not actually change that reality that much, except that we’ve been conditioned to believe that it should.

There is also another concept that most westerners don’t talk about or grok well or are even aware of sometimes. There’s a difference between personal love and universal love. I am able, especially while in the role of priestess, to tap into what I call the universal love. This is the source of all life, love and pleasure in the universe. Name it what you will, most religions have some sort of concept for this. I simply open myself up to it, dissolving my small, human, egocentric boundaries and allow myself to connect in to the web of all being. From here I can access the compassion to be able to accept someone in all their human faultiness and frailty while simultaneously honoring the glorious divine within them. Each person who comes before me as a supplicant, I love. In that moment, they receive all the love I have to give, totally and completely. When that moment is over, I may feel a lingering sense of that emotion, but it does not tie me to that person, and it doesn’t necessarily herald the beginning of a personal relationship with them.

I have even been known to “make love” to a whole crowd of people, while they watched me dance. I opened that energy channel wide and poured out all my love onto every single person I made eye contact with. In that instant of connection, I allowed myself to love that person completely. And just because it only lasted a second or two, and just because I then immediately moved on to someone else and established a loving connection with others, doesn’t invalidate that true moment of communion I shared with the first.

Each moment is precious and exists independently of every other moment. But of course, moments flow one into the other seamlessly, and we sometimes attach too much significance, expectation, obligation to each individual moment, which lessens its magic. Appreciate the moments of love and grace that touch your life, and you will be better able to appreciate your life as a whole, and the lives of those who touch yours.

www.TempleRedLotus.com